summer & after

peace (piece) of mind

pour a little salt, we were never here

things i want autumn to be

sitting on my bed all morning reading ee cummings, sometimes trying to be like him (pretentious, unnecessary, lyrical). crunching on orange leaves during afternoon walks through orange forests lit by orange light. listening a lot to coldplay, maybe bon iver too but that’s so sad sometimes (cut out all the ropes and let me fall). treating the season as a solitary entity (no autumns before and no repercussions after). apples, cinammon bread, pecans, brie cheese. home maybe, any kind of home really, but here doesn’t qualify (i wish it did) (i wish sometimes you would start feeling like home).

anticipating the coming autumn’s end to be met with a mixture of relief and utmost sadness (all connotation aside: i will be lost without him). i wish i had more of a mind. in the nicest way possible this will destroy me, in the nicest way possible i will never be good enough, in the nicest way possible i’m okay with it. or maybe it won’t, and i will be, and i’m not going to settle.

ronnie is in the state for a week or more. it’s sad, i already see how this is going to turn out. i wish i had a car, and sometimes i wish i would feel for a person the way he feels for alex. i’m tired of this realism. and i know i’m not in the right place to begin with, so who let this all happen anyway?